Tonight I'm feeling unhappy.
Has it got to do with something that someone pointed out today, whether or not it was true? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe just a little. Yes, just a little. I have decided that it wasn't worth my time or energy being upset with what other people think of me. I have decided that I would base my self worth on my own perceptions, not others'. Especially when they weren't true, and were mainly inaccurate interpretations of my personality.
While tossing and turning on my bed just a while ago, something crossed my mind. It's true that I do have a tendency of sticking to my comfort zone. Just like sometimes how I would choose to spend time with him, rather than going out to meet people, simply because I am comfortable with him. Maybe from now onwards, I shouldn't and I wouldn't.
So I do have my guilty moments of cosying up to my comfort zone... but I do believe that I have done as much as I could to break my level of comfort. I believe that I am meant for greater things in life and have taken some steps (albeit small ones) to achieve some certain goals. It's true that most of these successes have not materialised. And until now, at the age of 26, I am still rather clueless about how to go about realising them.
And this is probably what I am unhappy about tonight.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Money problems
"There are two kinds of money problems. One problem is not enough money and the other is too much money. Which one do I want?"
Monday, October 13, 2008
Soul and Bossa
Once in a while, old friends drift back into your life to remind you of some of the many lil joys in life.
And you're swept back in blissful memory... to the day you discovered Lisa Ono <3
And you're swept back in blissful memory... to the day you discovered Lisa Ono <3
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I want to tell stories
It is no secret that the most successful people around are people who are extremely poised and confident. People who keep others riveted and hanging on their every single word. People who carry themselves well. Often witty and interesting. Charming too, of course.
These are the people who often have stories to tell.
I want to have stories to tell.
I want people to remember me. For the interesting stories I tell them. And what it implies for me for the kind of person that I am. That I am confident, poised and most importantly, successful.
These are the people who often have stories to tell.
I want to have stories to tell.
I want people to remember me. For the interesting stories I tell them. And what it implies for me for the kind of person that I am. That I am confident, poised and most importantly, successful.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Cause we are living in a material world
After 10 years of absolutely no contact with a certain friend from high school, out of nowhere the fella rang me up, and there and then we decided to meet up to do some catching up over some coffee.
He seems to be doing rather well, in my opinion earning a rather comfortable amount of pay with relatively good perks. Most friends my age are only earning about half that amount, all of whom have higher level of education than him. And yet, the fella doesn't seem satisfied at all with what he has achieved.
He is of the opinion that someone at his age (which is also my age =p) should be earning at least 6K a month. He spoke of his sister's boyfriend who at his age of 29, is already running his own business and owns several houses around the city.
It really did sound impressive. Striking it rich before striking the age of 30. A far cry from my circumstances at the moment, and being only a few years younger than the dude.
I've always wondered about the possibility of myself striking it rich, and being able to afford everything I could possibly want - travelling around the world, a beach house in Bora Bora or any beach in the Carribeans, a Mini Cooper S etc etc etc.
I may appear shallow but I truly believe that in order to be successful in our dog-eat-dog society, one has to be materialistic to a certain degree.
Even nuns or monks are for the finer things in life. I've seen the same nun, on two different occasions, driving a Toyota Estima and a Mercedes E-class. It's damn true. I'm not trying to pull anyone's legs.
I do not want to be complacent. I believe that a person should always strive to become a better person, to achieve greater things in their lives. So far all the people I have spoken to who have achieved a significant level of success seem to be of the sort who can't sit still and always seem to be on lookout for greater opportunities. These are the type of people who think that success isn't "God's will", and surely not relative to your luck or feng shui.
Leaving everything to chance or "God's will" will only cause us to render ourselves devoid of control. Of course, sometimes one simply cannot explain why certain things just happen. But to pin everything to luck would be a folly. Luck only brings you so far. If one is to chance upon a 100-ringgit note on the ground, one would not get to keep the 100-ringgit if he doesn't expend the effort in picking it up.
"If you think you're tops, you won't do much climbing."
-Arnold H. Glasgow
He seems to be doing rather well, in my opinion earning a rather comfortable amount of pay with relatively good perks. Most friends my age are only earning about half that amount, all of whom have higher level of education than him. And yet, the fella doesn't seem satisfied at all with what he has achieved.
He is of the opinion that someone at his age (which is also my age =p) should be earning at least 6K a month. He spoke of his sister's boyfriend who at his age of 29, is already running his own business and owns several houses around the city.
It really did sound impressive. Striking it rich before striking the age of 30. A far cry from my circumstances at the moment, and being only a few years younger than the dude.
I've always wondered about the possibility of myself striking it rich, and being able to afford everything I could possibly want - travelling around the world, a beach house in Bora Bora or any beach in the Carribeans, a Mini Cooper S etc etc etc.
I may appear shallow but I truly believe that in order to be successful in our dog-eat-dog society, one has to be materialistic to a certain degree.
Even nuns or monks are for the finer things in life. I've seen the same nun, on two different occasions, driving a Toyota Estima and a Mercedes E-class. It's damn true. I'm not trying to pull anyone's legs.
I do not want to be complacent. I believe that a person should always strive to become a better person, to achieve greater things in their lives. So far all the people I have spoken to who have achieved a significant level of success seem to be of the sort who can't sit still and always seem to be on lookout for greater opportunities. These are the type of people who think that success isn't "God's will", and surely not relative to your luck or feng shui.
Leaving everything to chance or "God's will" will only cause us to render ourselves devoid of control. Of course, sometimes one simply cannot explain why certain things just happen. But to pin everything to luck would be a folly. Luck only brings you so far. If one is to chance upon a 100-ringgit note on the ground, one would not get to keep the 100-ringgit if he doesn't expend the effort in picking it up.
"If you think you're tops, you won't do much climbing."
-Arnold H. Glasgow
Thursday, July 24, 2008
5 reasons why being a control freak is a good thing for you and your career
[I stole this article from here]
04.17.08
That’s right.You want to be a control freak–the good kind, that is. Yes, there’s a difference between a freaky control freak (the bad kind) and a funky control freak (the good kind).
Here are 5 reasons why being a funky control freak is a good thing for you and your career:
1. It’s about being positive. Highly successful leaders and those who aspire to leadership have learned the art of taking control in a positive way. Individuals who have mastered the control of their thoughts, behaviors and actions enjoy huge success because they are clear on what they want, they are clear on communicating their vision and they are clear on knowing what needs to be and by whom to get things done.
Donald Trump, Martha Stewart, Ellen, and Oprah are just a few examples of well known control freaks who have learned to use positive control to their advantage.
2. It’s about execution. The art of getting things done is best done by a positive control freak. You know without a doubt that a control freak will get something done and usually in a quick way. Funky control freaks have learned to then teach others who work for them how to execute and to delegate to their team in an effective way.
Steve Jobs, Jack Welch and other well known successful CEO’s value execution or the art of getting things done more than anything.
3. It’s about choosing a path. If you won’t control the direction of your life and career, who will? Funky control freaks do not wait for others to guide them to their success. They step up and do what is needed to get recognized, earn praise, and earn the rewards. You won’t hear a funky control freak whine about not getting the corner office. Instead, they do what is needed to earn the right to get the corner office.
Oprah didn’t wait for a syndicated TV show. All of her efforts and her choices were carefully chosen to produce an end result of huge success.
4. It’s about focus. If you had a choice between someone who is indecisive, unclear and directionless, or someone who had a laser focus on what they wanted, had clarity around what had to be done and provided the team with specific actionable ideas who would you rather work for or with?
Whether you love or hate Hilary Clinton, you must agree that she is clear on winning the race. She is decisive and her whole team knows exactly where they are going.
5. It’s about handling uncertainty. In times of massive change, corporate restructuring, economic uncertainty, and massive mergers, we all want someone to tell us where we are going, guide us on how to get there, and clarify who needs to do what in order to achieve the end goal. Positive control freaks are needed to guide us through these times of change.
Globally we see this with our country’s leadership; we want to know that the person in charge of our nation is guiding us through turbulent times.
So if someone calls you a control freak, don’t freak out. Instead, make sure you are being a funky control freak and then stand proud!
04.17.08
That’s right.You want to be a control freak–the good kind, that is. Yes, there’s a difference between a freaky control freak (the bad kind) and a funky control freak (the good kind).
Here are 5 reasons why being a funky control freak is a good thing for you and your career:
1. It’s about being positive. Highly successful leaders and those who aspire to leadership have learned the art of taking control in a positive way. Individuals who have mastered the control of their thoughts, behaviors and actions enjoy huge success because they are clear on what they want, they are clear on communicating their vision and they are clear on knowing what needs to be and by whom to get things done.
Donald Trump, Martha Stewart, Ellen, and Oprah are just a few examples of well known control freaks who have learned to use positive control to their advantage.
2. It’s about execution. The art of getting things done is best done by a positive control freak. You know without a doubt that a control freak will get something done and usually in a quick way. Funky control freaks have learned to then teach others who work for them how to execute and to delegate to their team in an effective way.
Steve Jobs, Jack Welch and other well known successful CEO’s value execution or the art of getting things done more than anything.
3. It’s about choosing a path. If you won’t control the direction of your life and career, who will? Funky control freaks do not wait for others to guide them to their success. They step up and do what is needed to get recognized, earn praise, and earn the rewards. You won’t hear a funky control freak whine about not getting the corner office. Instead, they do what is needed to earn the right to get the corner office.
Oprah didn’t wait for a syndicated TV show. All of her efforts and her choices were carefully chosen to produce an end result of huge success.
4. It’s about focus. If you had a choice between someone who is indecisive, unclear and directionless, or someone who had a laser focus on what they wanted, had clarity around what had to be done and provided the team with specific actionable ideas who would you rather work for or with?
Whether you love or hate Hilary Clinton, you must agree that she is clear on winning the race. She is decisive and her whole team knows exactly where they are going.
5. It’s about handling uncertainty. In times of massive change, corporate restructuring, economic uncertainty, and massive mergers, we all want someone to tell us where we are going, guide us on how to get there, and clarify who needs to do what in order to achieve the end goal. Positive control freaks are needed to guide us through these times of change.
Globally we see this with our country’s leadership; we want to know that the person in charge of our nation is guiding us through turbulent times.
So if someone calls you a control freak, don’t freak out. Instead, make sure you are being a funky control freak and then stand proud!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Of cute sneezes and toothless yawns
Saturday, July 19, 2008
The first week
So I've been on a hiatus for a week, not exactly keeping to my promise of updating regularly. Well, it's been a rather tiring week, I guess it's gonna take me some time to adjust to the pace of full time work. Waking up at 0630, leaving the house by 0730 and getting caught in traffic for about an hour before reaching the office. Every single day. My lazy ass has been so used to sleeping at 4 or 5 in the morning and waking up in the afternoon, so it's quite a drastic change of lifestyle for me.
(A bit of digression here - OMG I really hate stupid paranoid people who keep jamming up our traffic! Bloody hell, you people made me late for my first day of work!)
But it has been a rather interesting week, although I'm still taking a bit of time trying to understand their system. However, I can see that it's really quite similar to the process of running a research project back in college, except that in an corporation it's been complicated by the fact that everything is on a much much bigger scale. My department does not run every single aspect of a project. We determine how the project is to be run. We handle the goal-setting and the planning. Other departments would then collect and tabulate data for us. And subsequently we report and present the findings to the clients. Thus, the project can run into setbacks that are simply out of our control, especially the part where we sub the work to other departments.
So far, the job has been easy. I've been doing plenty of questionnaire checks - making sure that respondents had filled up everything required of them, and rewriting answers if the handwriting was messy. The job is peanuts, albeit tedious and takes some time to get in the momentum.
In a way, the fact the job is so easy that it has made me question just how useful my role is. Why am I not doing anything important and fulfilling?
But I suppose in any job, we need to start at the very bottom. We need to get our hands dirty.. as demoralising as it sometimes may be. Taken from another point of view, we are simply familiarising ourselves with the little knick knacks that drive any system so we could appreciate fully just how simple or difficult the process is. I just got to hang on for a while. From here onwards my performance really depends on how steep my learning curve is.
(A bit of digression here - OMG I really hate stupid paranoid people who keep jamming up our traffic! Bloody hell, you people made me late for my first day of work!)
But it has been a rather interesting week, although I'm still taking a bit of time trying to understand their system. However, I can see that it's really quite similar to the process of running a research project back in college, except that in an corporation it's been complicated by the fact that everything is on a much much bigger scale. My department does not run every single aspect of a project. We determine how the project is to be run. We handle the goal-setting and the planning. Other departments would then collect and tabulate data for us. And subsequently we report and present the findings to the clients. Thus, the project can run into setbacks that are simply out of our control, especially the part where we sub the work to other departments.
So far, the job has been easy. I've been doing plenty of questionnaire checks - making sure that respondents had filled up everything required of them, and rewriting answers if the handwriting was messy. The job is peanuts, albeit tedious and takes some time to get in the momentum.
In a way, the fact the job is so easy that it has made me question just how useful my role is. Why am I not doing anything important and fulfilling?
But I suppose in any job, we need to start at the very bottom. We need to get our hands dirty.. as demoralising as it sometimes may be. Taken from another point of view, we are simply familiarising ourselves with the little knick knacks that drive any system so we could appreciate fully just how simple or difficult the process is. I just got to hang on for a while. From here onwards my performance really depends on how steep my learning curve is.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
On your mark.. get set..
I have officially signed my life away to the rat race. I am finally embracing the grown up world of 9-to-5's, overtimes, bills, bills and more bills.
And I am excited to say the least :D
Come July 14th, 2008 I would be starting my full time employment in a market research firm (ask me personally if you'd like to know where) as an assistant researcher. Come Monday my career would take off, in somewhat a more lowkey fashion than how I would have imagined it years back. But we all need to start somewhere, don't we? Although it has taken me a long time, I am finally here. The starting position of my career. This is where I would begin to learn.
And earn. $_$
And I am excited to say the least :D
Come July 14th, 2008 I would be starting my full time employment in a market research firm (ask me personally if you'd like to know where) as an assistant researcher. Come Monday my career would take off, in somewhat a more lowkey fashion than how I would have imagined it years back. But we all need to start somewhere, don't we? Although it has taken me a long time, I am finally here. The starting position of my career. This is where I would begin to learn.
And earn. $_$
Monday, July 7, 2008
Patience is a virtue.. right?
Wow, my patience is really being tested.
The plan was to call today to let them know of my decision. The lady who I have been in contact with had said that she wouldn't be here, so she told me to call for her manager. Alas, the manager isn't around as well. Oh God...
I'm beginning to think that there's some evil ploy going on right now to con me into giving up on that position.
Nah. It can't be. Why play such a cat-and-mouse game when really, it is all in their right to offer the position to anybody. When I called this morning, they could have very snottily informed me that they've decided to hire somebody else after all.
I'm just being a paranoid bitch.
Well, keeping my fingers crossed for another day (",)
The plan was to call today to let them know of my decision. The lady who I have been in contact with had said that she wouldn't be here, so she told me to call for her manager. Alas, the manager isn't around as well. Oh God...
I'm beginning to think that there's some evil ploy going on right now to con me into giving up on that position.
Nah. It can't be. Why play such a cat-and-mouse game when really, it is all in their right to offer the position to anybody. When I called this morning, they could have very snottily informed me that they've decided to hire somebody else after all.
I'm just being a paranoid bitch.
Well, keeping my fingers crossed for another day (",)
Sunday, July 6, 2008
When the going gets tough
... the tough gets going!
So.. I don't think I did very well for the job interview. But I guess all is not lost as I have learnt that I did not know myself as much as I thought I had. From now on, I would smack myself in the head if I do not prepare myself well for any interview. I would kick myself hard if I ever list something in my resume and did not sit down properly to give it a 360 degree scrutiny on the facts and my thoughts about about it.
I have learnt from mistakes.. the hard way.
It had probably cost me the job. Although, it is really too early to say. WHO KNOWS.. they might actually had seen something positive in me, and decide to offer me the job anyway.
But it'll probably be too late by then.
Because I've decided that I would take up the offer with the first company that I went for interview with. They have agreed to wait til Monday (that's tomorrow) for my response, and I really hope that they have waited and have not actually offered it to someone else.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed...
So.. I don't think I did very well for the job interview. But I guess all is not lost as I have learnt that I did not know myself as much as I thought I had. From now on, I would smack myself in the head if I do not prepare myself well for any interview. I would kick myself hard if I ever list something in my resume and did not sit down properly to give it a 360 degree scrutiny on the facts and my thoughts about about it.
I have learnt from mistakes.. the hard way.
It had probably cost me the job. Although, it is really too early to say. WHO KNOWS.. they might actually had seen something positive in me, and decide to offer me the job anyway.
But it'll probably be too late by then.
Because I've decided that I would take up the offer with the first company that I went for interview with. They have agreed to wait til Monday (that's tomorrow) for my response, and I really hope that they have waited and have not actually offered it to someone else.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed...
Thursday, July 3, 2008
The law of attraction
A good night's slumber really does wonders for one. I woke up energised, and immersed in the feeling as though nothing would and could bring me down.. unless I CHOOSE to allow it to bring me down.
And I choose to stay up.
Choices are powerful things I tell ya.
I shall impress tomorrow :D
And I choose to stay up.
Choices are powerful things I tell ya.
I shall impress tomorrow :D
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
When others don't have faith
Another blog entry 5 minutes after I've published my previous entry? After everything I've said about filling up this blog? Wow, I must really be trying to prove something!
Hahahahaha. well, I guess I am in need of pouring my heart out somewhere. And this place seems perfect at the time being.
For some time now, I've been thinking.. about what exactly are my expectations from life. There are the usual - good job, happy marriage, early retirement etc. These are my goals, in a nutshell. Simple and achievable, you all say?
Well, happy marriage and early retirement are simply unthinkable at the moment. So let's discuss with the job bit. Some of you may know that I have recently put myself up in the employment market, seeking a job aiming to fulfill certain needs - basic, belongingness and self esteem. Basic needs in terms of grub in my tummy and a roof over my head. Needs of belonging in terms of myself fitting in with the rest of my peers who are mostly working and some earning big bucks. Self esteem needs in terms of a job to enhance my self esteem - that I have the abilities and capabilities to contribute to the society as a competent human being.
So I walked into the interview room today feeling totally confident and positive about clinching this position, no problem. That was, however, me at the peak of my confidence all day. With each passing minute of the day, I slowly began doubting myself. Why did they give each other THE LOOK, was my salary expectation too high? How could I forget to mention a detail so important that could have been THE decisive element in their decision to hire me or not hire me? Why didn't the other lady come and interview me as well, did I fail her test the other day? Why have I forgotten to ask the other important questions, that would have emphasized strongly on my interest to work there?
I tore out bits of hair everytime something else struck me after the interview. "Shit! I forgot to do this". "Fcuk! I forgot about that". All the time wishing there was something I could do to turn back time.
Maybe it's no biggie. It's only ONE job interview.. there'll be others.
Yeah, for sure there'll be others. But this is one of the only two interviews I really wanted to do well in.
What luck had it that I actually scored THE two job interviews that I had hoped for! I had been extremely pleased when I found out, and began preparing as much as I could. My plan was to impress these people senselessly, and when the ball is in both my courts.. *rubs hands in glee*.. The bargaining power would be in my hand, and my ego inflated.
I guess you could say that I have certain expectations about myself. And it's extremely extremely disheartening that I have disappointed the person mattered most to myself - me.
It doesn't help when significant others also stabbed at your already bleeding ego. Your worst fears are realised. That you may actually be incompetent after all.
My self esteem was up in flames at the end of it. It has been struck where it hurts most.
How could I not feel the pain? For a long time I've been wondering if there's seriously something wrong with me. What else could possibly explain the looks of scorn thrown around the house in my presence?
I have hoped for this future job to be a new beginning. Somewhere I would be able to prove my worth. I have been waiting for this for the longest time.
So I really hate feeling like this. Like there was nothing in me that people could take seriously. Like I have nothing to show for myself. Like this flaw would forever be imprinted on me.
The more I think about it, the more pissed off I am.
And the more painful it becomes.
But you know what? I'm gonna sleep this off. When all forms of therapy fail, throw yourself on the bed and start counting sheep.
Nah. I shall count Mini Coopers. :D
Hahahahaha. well, I guess I am in need of pouring my heart out somewhere. And this place seems perfect at the time being.
For some time now, I've been thinking.. about what exactly are my expectations from life. There are the usual - good job, happy marriage, early retirement etc. These are my goals, in a nutshell. Simple and achievable, you all say?
Well, happy marriage and early retirement are simply unthinkable at the moment. So let's discuss with the job bit. Some of you may know that I have recently put myself up in the employment market, seeking a job aiming to fulfill certain needs - basic, belongingness and self esteem. Basic needs in terms of grub in my tummy and a roof over my head. Needs of belonging in terms of myself fitting in with the rest of my peers who are mostly working and some earning big bucks. Self esteem needs in terms of a job to enhance my self esteem - that I have the abilities and capabilities to contribute to the society as a competent human being.
So I walked into the interview room today feeling totally confident and positive about clinching this position, no problem. That was, however, me at the peak of my confidence all day. With each passing minute of the day, I slowly began doubting myself. Why did they give each other THE LOOK, was my salary expectation too high? How could I forget to mention a detail so important that could have been THE decisive element in their decision to hire me or not hire me? Why didn't the other lady come and interview me as well, did I fail her test the other day? Why have I forgotten to ask the other important questions, that would have emphasized strongly on my interest to work there?
I tore out bits of hair everytime something else struck me after the interview. "Shit! I forgot to do this". "Fcuk! I forgot about that". All the time wishing there was something I could do to turn back time.
Maybe it's no biggie. It's only ONE job interview.. there'll be others.
Yeah, for sure there'll be others. But this is one of the only two interviews I really wanted to do well in.
What luck had it that I actually scored THE two job interviews that I had hoped for! I had been extremely pleased when I found out, and began preparing as much as I could. My plan was to impress these people senselessly, and when the ball is in both my courts.. *rubs hands in glee*.. The bargaining power would be in my hand, and my ego inflated.
I guess you could say that I have certain expectations about myself. And it's extremely extremely disheartening that I have disappointed the person mattered most to myself - me.
It doesn't help when significant others also stabbed at your already bleeding ego. Your worst fears are realised. That you may actually be incompetent after all.
My self esteem was up in flames at the end of it. It has been struck where it hurts most.
How could I not feel the pain? For a long time I've been wondering if there's seriously something wrong with me. What else could possibly explain the looks of scorn thrown around the house in my presence?
I have hoped for this future job to be a new beginning. Somewhere I would be able to prove my worth. I have been waiting for this for the longest time.
So I really hate feeling like this. Like there was nothing in me that people could take seriously. Like I have nothing to show for myself. Like this flaw would forever be imprinted on me.
The more I think about it, the more pissed off I am.
And the more painful it becomes.
But you know what? I'm gonna sleep this off. When all forms of therapy fail, throw yourself on the bed and start counting sheep.
Nah. I shall count Mini Coopers. :D
Essentially me
I've moved around many blogs over years I've been blogging. This is probably my 7th or 8th blog, from the ones I regularly updated to the ones in which I'd posted perhaps only one or two entries. I'm not sure how long this will last. But I guess I'll make the effort to keep this going.
I've realised that I blog most often whenever I'm unhappy or upset about something, but I guess that's just how it is with me. I'd exhaust all my coping strategies (from talking to friends to dabbling in work to soaking myself in soppy tunes to simply refusing to think about it) and when nothing works, I'd come to my blog with my eyes tearing, hoping to find peace within myself after a few rounds of pounding away on the keyboard.. and often, I find myself stopping short of finishing the entry, simply because the method has worked and that I need not continue with the therapy.
Also, I guess it could be attributed to me being lazy and the horrid tendency of me starting something and not having the patience to finish it off.
Yup, I'm not the most patient person in the world.
I find that occurring when I'm reading sometimes. I would flip open a book totally eager and enthusiastic, and within the next few chapters the motivation fizzles away. And I'd be dying to find out what happens at the end of the book. This does not work with some of the books I read though, so I'd be forced to read it word for word.
Not really 'forced' la. I still like reading nonetheless. But often I find myself fighting this urge to flip past the page that I was still reading, or the urge to hurriedly scan towards end of the page to see what was about to happen to the protagonist.
One of my good friends commented on this behaviour of mine before. "3-second heat", she called it. If I'm not mistaken, she translated the phrase directly from Chinese - to describe an individual's short-lived enthusiasm.
I guess I can see why she has used the term on me. There seem to be something that lacks within myself to push myself through these events. Sometimes, even through things that really really matter to me.
I'm not sure what it is. Short attention span? Lack of motivation? Non-existent discipline?
Hmmm.
Whatever it is, I'm gonna make sure all of these habits get buried along with the rest of my not-so-wonderful past.
Well of course, you can't bury your past completely. You are after all, made up of your past - the good, the bad and the fugly. Do not attempt to escape it. Learn from it.
Having said that, this new blog is not an escape from my past in my previous blogs. I merely do not like the sparse amount of content in them. Embarrassed, if you may. This new blog of mine will be filled up to no end.. even when the only reader left in the world is me, me and me.
And, on a completely random note... I. LOVE. ME! :D
I've realised that I blog most often whenever I'm unhappy or upset about something, but I guess that's just how it is with me. I'd exhaust all my coping strategies (from talking to friends to dabbling in work to soaking myself in soppy tunes to simply refusing to think about it) and when nothing works, I'd come to my blog with my eyes tearing, hoping to find peace within myself after a few rounds of pounding away on the keyboard.. and often, I find myself stopping short of finishing the entry, simply because the method has worked and that I need not continue with the therapy.
Also, I guess it could be attributed to me being lazy and the horrid tendency of me starting something and not having the patience to finish it off.
Yup, I'm not the most patient person in the world.
I find that occurring when I'm reading sometimes. I would flip open a book totally eager and enthusiastic, and within the next few chapters the motivation fizzles away. And I'd be dying to find out what happens at the end of the book. This does not work with some of the books I read though, so I'd be forced to read it word for word.
Not really 'forced' la. I still like reading nonetheless. But often I find myself fighting this urge to flip past the page that I was still reading, or the urge to hurriedly scan towards end of the page to see what was about to happen to the protagonist.
One of my good friends commented on this behaviour of mine before. "3-second heat", she called it. If I'm not mistaken, she translated the phrase directly from Chinese - to describe an individual's short-lived enthusiasm.
I guess I can see why she has used the term on me. There seem to be something that lacks within myself to push myself through these events. Sometimes, even through things that really really matter to me.
I'm not sure what it is. Short attention span? Lack of motivation? Non-existent discipline?
Hmmm.
Whatever it is, I'm gonna make sure all of these habits get buried along with the rest of my not-so-wonderful past.
Well of course, you can't bury your past completely. You are after all, made up of your past - the good, the bad and the fugly. Do not attempt to escape it. Learn from it.
Having said that, this new blog is not an escape from my past in my previous blogs. I merely do not like the sparse amount of content in them. Embarrassed, if you may. This new blog of mine will be filled up to no end.. even when the only reader left in the world is me, me and me.
And, on a completely random note... I. LOVE. ME! :D
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