Lost opportunity

Although I'm somewhat disappointed, I won't say that it hurt very terribly. I had given it some thought after the interview, and figured that leaving one desk job to another might not be the greatest move for me. Then again, a lot of professional jobs are desk bound. So I'm somewhat stuck there, unless I want a sales-related job which I'm really not keen on, although they may pay well.

I wonder where I was lacking though. I thought I did pretty alright for the interview, but maybe that one question which I was stumped for really did affect their impressions of me. Oh well, no worries. Next interview I go for I'll be going for the kill. Keeping my fingers crossed that they might consider me for their next recruitment drive.

At the moment though, it's back to sifting through the wanted ads.

Void

I normally blog only when I'm really upset, so it's actually a good thing that I blog so infrequently.

It would simply mean that I'm leading a good life with nothing particularly major to whine about :D

Nevertheless, I wanna try to maintain regular updates.... Hmmm I know I've said this a gazillion times........ Oh well, we'll see how it goes :)


So is there something upsetting me that I need to blog about, hence my presence here? Not exactly. Although I really do feel a lil annoyed with myself, for having been so distracted and slacking at work. Sitting around with friends earlier discussing lost opportunities and such, I suddenly felt somewhat blessed that I have a job that is presenting me with really quite incredible lessons. But instead of giving it the 101% attention that it deserves, not just for the sake of the team but really for myself as well, I am taking it for granted. I'm not thinking hard enough, not working hard enough.. basically not doing enough.

I need goddamn motivation. Where has my drive disappeared to? =/

5 reasons why being a control freak is a good thing for you and your career

[I stole this article from here]

04.17.08

That’s right.You want to be a control freak–the good kind, that is. Yes, there’s a difference between a freaky control freak (the bad kind) and a funky control freak (the good kind).

Here are 5 reasons why being a funky control freak is a good thing for you and your career:

1. It’s about being positive. Highly successful leaders and those who aspire to leadership have learned the art of taking control in a positive way. Individuals who have mastered the control of their thoughts, behaviors and actions enjoy huge success because they are clear on what they want, they are clear on communicating their vision and they are clear on knowing what needs to be and by whom to get things done.

Donald Trump, Martha Stewart, Ellen, and Oprah are just a few examples of well known control freaks who have learned to use positive control to their advantage.

2. It’s about execution. The art of getting things done is best done by a positive control freak. You know without a doubt that a control freak will get something done and usually in a quick way. Funky control freaks have learned to then teach others who work for them how to execute and to delegate to their team in an effective way.

Steve Jobs, Jack Welch and other well known successful CEO’s value execution or the art of getting things done more than anything.

3. It’s about choosing a path. If you won’t control the direction of your life and career, who will? Funky control freaks do not wait for others to guide them to their success. They step up and do what is needed to get recognized, earn praise, and earn the rewards. You won’t hear a funky control freak whine about not getting the corner office. Instead, they do what is needed to earn the right to get the corner office.

Oprah didn’t wait for a syndicated TV show. All of her efforts and her choices were carefully chosen to produce an end result of huge success.

4. It’s about focus. If you had a choice between someone who is indecisive, unclear and directionless, or someone who had a laser focus on what they wanted, had clarity around what had to be done and provided the team with specific actionable ideas who would you rather work for or with?

Whether you love or hate Hilary Clinton, you must agree that she is clear on winning the race. She is decisive and her whole team knows exactly where they are going.

5. It’s about handling uncertainty. In times of massive change, corporate restructuring, economic uncertainty, and massive mergers, we all want someone to tell us where we are going, guide us on how to get there, and clarify who needs to do what in order to achieve the end goal. Positive control freaks are needed to guide us through these times of change.

Globally we see this with our country’s leadership; we want to know that the person in charge of our nation is guiding us through turbulent times.

So if someone calls you a control freak, don’t freak out. Instead, make sure you are being a funky control freak and then stand proud!

The first week

So I've been on a hiatus for a week, not exactly keeping to my promise of updating regularly. Well, it's been a rather tiring week, I guess it's gonna take me some time to adjust to the pace of full time work. Waking up at 0630, leaving the house by 0730 and getting caught in traffic for about an hour before reaching the office. Every single day. My lazy ass has been so used to sleeping at 4 or 5 in the morning and waking up in the afternoon, so it's quite a drastic change of lifestyle for me.

(A bit of digression here - OMG I really hate stupid paranoid people who keep jamming up our traffic! Bloody hell, you people made me late for my first day of work!)

But it has been a rather interesting week, although I'm still taking a bit of time trying to understand their system. However, I can see that it's really quite similar to the process of running a research project back in college, except that in an corporation it's been complicated by the fact that everything is on a much much bigger scale. My department does not run every single aspect of a project. We determine how the project is to be run. We handle the goal-setting and the planning. Other departments would then collect and tabulate data for us. And subsequently we report and present the findings to the clients. Thus, the project can run into setbacks that are simply out of our control, especially the part where we sub the work to other departments.

So far, the job has been easy. I've been doing plenty of questionnaire checks - making sure that respondents had filled up everything required of them, and rewriting answers if the handwriting was messy. The job is peanuts, albeit tedious and takes some time to get in the momentum.

In a way, the fact the job is so easy that it has made me question just how useful my role is. Why am I not doing anything important and fulfilling?

But I suppose in any job, we need to start at the very bottom. We need to get our hands dirty.. as demoralising as it sometimes may be. Taken from another point of view, we are simply familiarising ourselves with the little knick knacks that drive any system so we could appreciate fully just how simple or difficult the process is. I just got to hang on for a while. From here onwards my performance really depends on how steep my learning curve is.

On your mark.. get set..

I have officially signed my life away to the rat race. I am finally embracing the grown up world of 9-to-5's, overtimes, bills, bills and more bills.

And I am excited to say the least :D

Come July 14th, 2008 I would be starting my full time employment in a market research firm (ask me personally if you'd like to know where) as an assistant researcher. Come Monday my career would take off, in somewhat a more lowkey fashion than how I would have imagined it years back. But we all need to start somewhere, don't we? Although it has taken me a long time, I am finally here. The starting position of my career. This is where I would begin to learn.

And earn. $_$

Patience is a virtue.. right?

Wow, my patience is really being tested.

The plan was to call today to let them know of my decision. The lady who I have been in contact with had said that she wouldn't be here, so she told me to call for her manager. Alas, the manager isn't around as well. Oh God...

I'm beginning to think that there's some evil ploy going on right now to con me into giving up on that position.

Nah. It can't be. Why play such a cat-and-mouse game when really, it is all in their right to offer the position to anybody. When I called this morning, they could have very snottily informed me that they've decided to hire somebody else after all.

I'm just being a paranoid bitch.

Well, keeping my fingers crossed for another day (",)

When the going gets tough

... the tough gets going!

So.. I don't think I did very well for the job interview. But I guess all is not lost as I have learnt that I did not know myself as much as I thought I had. From now on, I would smack myself in the head if I do not prepare myself well for any interview. I would kick myself hard if I ever list something in my resume and did not sit down properly to give it a 360 degree scrutiny on the facts and my thoughts about about it.

I have learnt from mistakes.. the hard way.

It had probably cost me the job. Although, it is really too early to say. WHO KNOWS.. they might actually had seen something positive in me, and decide to offer me the job anyway.

But it'll probably be too late by then.

Because I've decided that I would take up the offer with the first company that I went for interview with. They have agreed to wait til Monday (that's tomorrow) for my response, and I really hope that they have waited and have not actually offered it to someone else.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

The law of attraction

A good night's slumber really does wonders for one. I woke up energised, and immersed in the feeling as though nothing would and could bring me down.. unless I CHOOSE to allow it to bring me down.

And I choose to stay up.

Choices are powerful things I tell ya.

I shall impress tomorrow :D

When others don't have faith

Another blog entry 5 minutes after I've published my previous entry? After everything I've said about filling up this blog? Wow, I must really be trying to prove something!

Hahahahaha. well, I guess I am in need of pouring my heart out somewhere. And this place seems perfect at the time being.

For some time now, I've been thinking.. about what exactly are my expectations from life. There are the usual - good job, happy marriage, early retirement etc. These are my goals, in a nutshell. Simple and achievable, you all say?

Well, happy marriage and early retirement are simply unthinkable at the moment. So let's discuss with the job bit. Some of you may know that I have recently put myself up in the employment market, seeking a job aiming to fulfill certain needs - basic, belongingness and self esteem. Basic needs in terms of grub in my tummy and a roof over my head. Needs of belonging in terms of myself fitting in with the rest of my peers who are mostly working and some earning big bucks. Self esteem needs in terms of a job to enhance my self esteem - that I have the abilities and capabilities to contribute to the society as a competent human being.

So I walked into the interview room today feeling totally confident and positive about clinching this position, no problem. That was, however, me at the peak of my confidence all day. With each passing minute of the day, I slowly began doubting myself. Why did they give each other THE LOOK, was my salary expectation too high? How could I forget to mention a detail so important that could have been THE decisive element in their decision to hire me or not hire me? Why didn't the other lady come and interview me as well, did I fail her test the other day? Why have I forgotten to ask the other important questions, that would have emphasized strongly on my interest to work there?

I tore out bits of hair everytime something else struck me after the interview. "Shit! I forgot to do this". "Fcuk! I forgot about that". All the time wishing there was something I could do to turn back time.

Maybe it's no biggie. It's only ONE job interview.. there'll be others.

Yeah, for sure there'll be others. But this is one of the only two interviews I really wanted to do well in.

What luck had it that I actually scored THE two job interviews that I had hoped for! I had been extremely pleased when I found out, and began preparing as much as I could. My plan was to impress these people senselessly, and when the ball is in both my courts.. *rubs hands in glee*.. The bargaining power would be in my hand, and my ego inflated.

I guess you could say that I have certain expectations about myself. And it's extremely extremely disheartening that I have disappointed the person mattered most to myself - me.

It doesn't help when significant others also stabbed at your already bleeding ego. Your worst fears are realised. That you may actually be incompetent after all.

My self esteem was up in flames at the end of it. It has been struck where it hurts most.

How could I not feel the pain? For a long time I've been wondering if there's seriously something wrong with me. What else could possibly explain the looks of scorn thrown around the house in my presence?

I have hoped for this future job to be a new beginning. Somewhere I would be able to prove my worth. I have been waiting for this for the longest time.

So I really hate feeling like this. Like there was nothing in me that people could take seriously. Like I have nothing to show for myself. Like this flaw would forever be imprinted on me.

The more I think about it, the more pissed off I am.

And the more painful it becomes.

But you know what? I'm gonna sleep this off. When all forms of therapy fail, throw yourself on the bed and start counting sheep.

Nah. I shall count Mini Coopers. :D