As I watch the world pass by...

Sometimes it scares me how it seems like my life appears to be on a continuous slow mo while everyone else's lives barrel forward. The wedding. The new husband. The new wife. New parents and their new children. The high flying careers. The fancy apartment and its state of the art gym. The next Air Asia holiday. The spanking new thingamajigs.

(I must say, Facebook is a great tool to voyeur on others. Teehee.)

I sometimes wonder, would things be different now if I had chosen the right path from the very beginning? Would my own Facebook page be packed filled with the above elements? Would the right path then would had been the right path? I had thought my path then was right for me, but years on I have realised the naivety that pervaded my mind. During dinner earlier I spoke of immaturity. Truth be told, I was nowhere near grown up myself. I was Queen of Irresponsibility, Ignorance, Incorrigibility. (Note the jarring discrepancy with my company's three I's. Hahaha.)

So what has gone wrong in my own life? Why had I made such bad decisions? What happened to the dreams I was chasing? Have they merely been dreams? I KNOW they still matter. I lust after pleasure, and I crave for intimacy. I want to exude passion in a way that it focuses attention on me. I am hungry for success. I dream big dreams. Always have. Which is why many decisions I've made in the past have been inclined to what I had perceived as greatness. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be seen as special. To have the privilege of doing something that not many of my kind could do. It was supposed to be the best decision I had ever made.

But it wasn't. It was one of the biggest decisions I had made in life, and one of the worst I ever made. It was a great lesson, but a regrettable one.

I figure disillusion has set in sometime in the past year. Or maybe 5 years ago. I can't be sure. I am not getting to where I want to get to fast enough. Working life hasn't been all I had imagined it to be. Realisation has hit me.

I've realised that am not happy. It scares me that I am at the wrong end of my 20's and that I have yet to accomplish many things in life.

I look around and suddenly everyone is married, promoted, or migrated.

I need to move forward to the next big thing. Happiness can't be that elusive.